Is there any greater gift for a late-night comedian than a president with a possible secret love child? There probably is—and given the way the news cycle works these days, theres a good chance whatever it is will surface next week. For now, however, late-night hosts were more than happy to make hay of the probably false but still entertaining, unverified claim that Donald Trump once had an affair with a housekeeper that resulted in a child. Trevor Noahs take? “I bet everyone who doesnt know their father right now is panicking.”
“Every week we seem to find out that someone else got money to keep quiet about one of Donald Trumps affairs,” the Daily Show host continued. “At this point its almost like his dong has its own economy. You know? Like a G.D.P., a gross domestic penis.”
The claim came from Trumps former doorman Dino Sajudin, who confirmed to CNN on Thursday that he had made an agreement with The National Enquirer—which was reported to have bought and buried the story—and that while working at Trump World Tower, he was “instructed not to criticize President Trumps former housekeeper due to a prior relationship she had with President Trump which produced a child.”
“Everyones getting paid,” Noah marveled Thursday night. “Doormen, porn stars, lawyers—at this point, Im worried that if Trump stops cheating on Melania, the stock market will crash.”
In the end, Noah came to a revelation: the child was supposedly born in the 1980s—and so was he. And, Noah said, hes always felt a strong connection to the commander in chief. (His Trump impression is one of late nights closest.) The love child, Noah concluded, “is me!”
One problem with that claim? Trump allegedly fathered a daughter—not a son.
On The Late Show,Stephen Colbert was too perplexed by the fact that the president would hide a child at all to theorize about who that child might be. “The president must be really ashamed of this scandal,” the comedian reasoned, “considering the children he is willing to claim.” The other takeaway? “There is now a housekeeper I feel worse for than the one at that Russian hotel.”
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Westworld (Season 2)
HBO is once again hoping youll ignore the big Game of Thrones-shaped hole in its schedule and turn your attention back to the sci-fi mind game that is Westworld. The Emmy-nominated series, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, is ready to confound you once again in its second season. Until its spring 2018 premiere, take a trip back in time and revisit nine burning questions we still have about the finale.Photo: By John P. Johnson/HBO.
Yara Shahidi takes the lead in this youthful Black-ish spin-off set to air on Freeform starting Jan. 3, 2018. In this series, Zoey is finally off to college, stumbling through cringeworthy rites of passage like embarrassing herself at a frat party and hiding secrets from her parents.Photo: By Eric Liebowitz/Freeform.
Tis the season to watch a bunch of perfect human specimens fight for tiny gold medallions. This years Winter Olympics will kick off on Feb. 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang, South Korea.Photo: By Julian Finney/Getty Images.
After breaking out on Master of None and winning a historic Emmy for one of this years best TV episodes, Lena Waithe is ready to claim her spot in the prestige-TV realm. Enter The Chi, her Showtime series about young people coming of age in Chicago, set to premiere on Jan. 7.Photo: By Matt Dinerstein/SHOWTIME.
A Wrinkle in Time
The classic Madeleine LEngle tale is finally coming to the big screen on March 9, 2018, thanks to Disney and director Ava DuVernay. The sci-fi story about a girl tesseracting her way through time to find her missing father will star newcomer Storm Reid alongside stars like Oprah Winfrey,Mindy Kaling,Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Pine.Photo: By Atsushi Nishijima/Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
After some catastrophic ups and downs, Han Solos origin story will finally be revealed to us on May 25, 2018. The Star Wars spin-off stars Alden Ehrenreich as the galactic smuggler and also features Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian and Emilia Clarke playing a mysterious character named Kira.Photo: From Lucasfilm Ltd./Everett Collection.PreviousNext
Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com.