Love Actually is a modern Christmas classic and has become a staple of the festive film schedule since its release in 2003.
It has it all – romance, cute kids, handsome leads, Too Lost In You by the Sugababes, Emma Thompson crying and thus breaking our hearts every December. (Harry, how could you?)
But as much as we love to rewatch Bill Nighy murdering Love Is All Around and seeing a kid dressed as an octopus in the nativity (basically the star of the film), watching Love Actually in 2018 is a bit like watching Friends in 2018 – you can still appreciate it, but dear lord, there are problems.
From the not-even-subtle fat-shaming to office behaviour that would lead to all kinds of HR complaints, Love Actually is problematic AF, and its characters are the worst people ever – and here are the scenes to prove it.
For some reason, one of the main jokes in Love Actually is how fat Natalie, aka Martine McCutcheon, is. Its mentioned repeatedly – first as Natalie explains that her boyfriend dumped her because nobody wants a girlfriend with thighs the size of tree trunks, then by Annie, who calls her colleague – to the literal Prime Ministers face – the chubby girl, before remarking on her sizeable arse and huge thighs. Natalies father then refers to her as Plumpy. Oh, what laughs!
The shaming continues later with Aurelias sister, who is referred to as Miss Dunkin Donuts 2003.
The joke with Natalie is that shes not actually fat. The joke with Aurelias sister is that shes so much fatter than her sibling that shell never be desired by another man. So much variety in the fat-hating here, folks. Fill your boots.
Laura Linneys boss telling her to chat up a colleague
Maybe Harry is good friends with Sarah. Maybe he got her the job. But telling your employee to tell a colleague that you want to have lots of sex and babies with them is surely not HR-compliant.
Harry buying his secretary a necklace/everything to do with his secretary
It can be roundly established that Harry is The Worst because of what he did to lovely Emma Thompson. Buying that necklace for his secretary and giving his wife a JONI MITCHELL CD WHICH SHE PROBABLY ALREADY HAD, BECAUSE SHE LOVED JONI MITCHELL is unforgiveable.
But even if it wasnt absolutely horrific to his wife – WHICH IT IS – that sort of behaviour in an office is totes inappropes. Mia probably shouldnt be sitting with her legs apart while saying provocative stuff to her boss, in the middle of the day. Harry shouldnt be pretending to not understand her overt flirting and buying her a super expensive gold necklace in Selfridges. This office is a shambles.
Karl being totally unreasonable
Yes, Karl is beautiful. He played an actual god in 300, and dressing him up in office wear is not going to disguise that. But he totally ruins himself by being so unreasonable when it comes to Sarahs sitch with her brother.
Shes taking care of her brother, hes unwell, and he means the world to her. Its a huge part of her life. But if that gets in the way of boning, then Karl doesnt care. You ignored Sarah for two years! Let her answer the phone!
The PM firing an employee because he fancied her
David slips a Harry Potter reference into a speech standing up to the US President, after previously wimping out, and hes a national hero. But he goes right down in our estimation when he sacks poor Natalie because he fancies her.
That is an unfair dismissal lawsuit waiting to happen, and rightly so. Natalie was only working there a few weeks, so maybe she was on probation, but we back her 100%.
Keira Knightley kissing her husbands best friend
Juliet only married Peter five weeks ago, and shes out kissing his weird best friend in the street while pretending hes a carol singer. Dont reward his stalker behaviour! The placards were not cute! Go back to your lovely husband Chiwetel Ejiofor!
Colin being a sexual harasser
Colin starts the film in a t-shirt reading satisfaction guaranteed, and goes around an office, ie a workplace, asking women do they want his lovely nuts and addressing them as my future wife. He is terrible. Sack him.
Kris Marshalls character is a sex pest, and should not be rewarded with a foursome with American hotties in Wisconsin.
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