You know what its like when you just want to stay in and get hammered but theres no food in the cupboards – you have to improvise in order to avoid the long trek to the shops. Graham Foster did just that in Emmerdale last night when he tucked into his morning cornflakes and, evidently finding them a little dry, he moistened them up with the flat, warm beer from his accompanying can.
While viewers felt a bit ill watching him tuck into his new concoction – which we wanted to call Golden Grahams until we found out apparently that name is taken (rude!) – he didnt seem to mind the flavour of hops mixed with corn.
And with his businesses being stolen from him left, right and centre, he is going to need some income to keep him in beer and cereal – so what better time than now to release his brand new cookbook of unique recipes which he has been saving for a rainy day?
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Here at Metro.co.uk, we have managed to get our hands on a preview copy and can share some of the most delicious recipes. Unless youre Graham Foster from Emmerdale though, please do not try any of these at home.
Cheese on toast with a coating of just on the turn milk
Take one half glass of milk just going past its best and layer it over some sourdough bread so it soaks in. Place a heavily sliced chunk of farmhouse cheddar over the top and grill until melted and crispy.
Enjoy with a side dish of shame.
Last nights pizza from behind the sofa served on crusty boxer shorts
Remove your boxer shorts, having worn both sides for a number of days. Take a drink of vodka to block out the fragrance that meets your nostrils. Find a half eaten slice of pizza from behind the sofa and place upon the shorts.
Nibble while thinking about all of the bad things you have done in your life. Once finished, put boxers back on before the postman arrives.
Breakfast muffin with stubbed out cigarette
Heat up a breakfast muffin until hearty, comforting and warm. Remove from the oven and slice, adding butter and conserve as per preference. Season lightly with pepper. Light a cigarette and smoke until half way through. Stub out in the middle of the muffin.
Eat with a healthy dose of crippling guilt.
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Weetabix with sugar and sweat
For when you dont have lager for your cereal, try this five star recipe, popular among troubled assassins. Wake up in a cold sweat following a nightmare about the man you saw as a son and then killed. Mop your brow on the pillow, adding to the moisture already there.
Place two Weetabix in a bowl. Squeeze out the fear and guilt sweat until there is a mushy consistency. Sweeten with sugar and self reassurance that you had no choice.
Ask Nicola to cook
You never know what youre going to get – or if youll even survive – but its what you deserve for killing Joe (*change name as appropriate for whoever you have shamefully dispatched in an act that drove you to buy this cookbook)
MORE: 10 Emmerdale spoilers: Maya kisses underage Jacob, hit and run death horror, Cains decision
MORE: Emmerdale spoilers: Cain and Debbie Dingle destroyed after he confesses to Joe Tates death?
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