Is there any greater gift for a late-night comedian than a president with a possible secret love child? There probably is—and given the way the news cycle works these days, theres a good chance whatever it is will surface next week. For now, however, late-night hosts were more than happy to make hay of the probably false but still entertaining, unverified claim that Donald Trump once had an affair with a housekeeper that resulted in a child. Trevor Noahs take? “I bet everyone who doesnt know their father right now is panicking.”
“Every week we seem to find out that someone else got money to keep quiet about one of Donald Trumps affairs,” the Daily Show host continued. “At this point its almost like his dong has its own economy. You know? Like a G.D.P., a gross domestic penis.”
The claim came from Trumps former doorman Dino Sajudin, who confirmed to CNN on Thursday that he had made an agreement with The National Enquirer—which was reported to have bought and buried the story—and that while working at Trump World Tower, he was “instructed not to criticize President Trumps former housekeeper due to a prior relationship she had with President Trump which produced a child.”
“Everyones getting paid,” Noah marveled Thursday night. “Doormen, porn stars, lawyers—at this point, Im worried that if Trump stops cheating on Melania, the stock market will crash.”
In the end, Noah came to a revelation: the child was supposedly born in the 1980s—and so was he. And, Noah said, hes always felt a strong connection to the commander in chief. (His Trump impression is one of late nights closest.) The love child, Noah concluded, “is me!”
One problem with that claim? Trump allegedly fathered a daughter—not a son.
On The Late Show,Stephen Colbert was too perplexed by the fact that the president would hide a child at all to theorize about who that child might be. “The president must be really ashamed of this scandal,” the comedian reasoned, “considering the children he is willing to claim.” The other takeaway? “There is now a housekeeper I feel worse for than the one at that Russian hotel.”
Get Vanity Fairs HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Full ScreenPhotos:22 Movies and TV Shows That Will Save Us in 2018
Westworld (Season 2)
HBO is once again hoping youll ignore the big Game of Thrones-shaped hole in its schedule and turn your attention back to the sci-fi mind game that is Westworld. The Emmy-nominated series, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, is ready to confound you once again in its second season. Until its spring 2018 premiere, take a trip back in time and revisit nine burning questions we still have about the finale.Photo: By John P. Johnson/HBO.
Grown-ish
Yara Shahidi takes the lead in this youthful Black-ish spin-off set to air on Freeform starting Jan. 3, 2018. In this series, Zoey is finally off to college, stumbling through cringeworthy rites of passage like embarrassing herself at a frat party and hiding secrets from her parents.Photo: By Eric Liebowitz/Freeform.
Superhero Smorgasbord
Every superhero you love is coming out with a new movie in 2018. In no particular order, get ready for a bounty that includes: Black Panther,Avengers: Infinity War,Deadpool 2,The New Mutants,X-Men: Dark Phoenix,Ant-Man and the Wasp,Venom, and Aquaman.Photo: By Zade Rosenthal/©Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures/Everett Collection.
The Winter Olympics
Tis the season to watch a bunch of perfect human specimens fight for tiny gold medallions. This years Winter Olympics will kick off on Feb. 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang, South Korea.Photo: By Julian Finney/Getty Images.
The Chi
After breaking out on Master of None and winning a historic Emmy for one of this years best TV episodes, Lena Waithe is ready to claim her spot in the prestige-TV realm. Enter The Chi, her Showtime series about young people coming of age in Chicago, set to premiere on Jan. 7.Photo: By Matt Dinerstein/SHOWTIME.
A Wrinkle in Time
The classic Madeleine LEngle tale is finally coming to the big screen on March 9, 2018, thanks to Disney and director Ava DuVernay. The sci-fi story about a girl tesseracting her way through time to find her missing father will star newcomer Storm Reid alongside stars like Oprah Winfrey,Mindy Kaling,Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Pine.Photo: By Atsushi Nishijima/Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
After some catastrophic ups and downs, Han Solos origin story will finally be revealed to us on May 25, 2018. The Star Wars spin-off stars Alden Ehrenreich as the galactic smuggler and also features Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian and Emilia Clarke playing a mysterious character named Kira.Photo: From Lucasfilm Ltd./Everett Collection.PreviousNext
Westworld (Season 2)
HBO is once again hoping youll ignore the big Game of Thrones-shaped hole in its schedule and turn your attention back to the sci-fi mind game that is Westworld. The Emmy-nominated series, starring Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, is ready to confound you once again in its second season. Until its spring 2018 premiere, take a trip back in time and revisit nine burning questions we still have about the finale.By John P. Johnson/HBO.
Grown-ish
Yara Shahidi takes the lead in this youthful Black-ish spin-off set to air on Freeform starting Jan. 3, 2018. In this series, Zoey is finally off to college, stumbling through cringeworthy rites of passage like embarrassing herself at a frat party and hiding secrets from her parents.By Eric Liebowitz/Freeform.
Superhero Smorgasbord
Every superhero you love is coming out with a new movie in 2018. In no particular order, get ready for a bounty that includes: Black Panther,Avengers: Infinity War,Deadpool 2,The New Mutants,X-Men: Dark Phoenix,Ant-Man and the Wasp,Venom, and Aquaman.By Zade Rosenthal/©Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures/Everett Collection.
The Winter Olympics
Tis the season to watch a bunch of perfect human specimens fight for tiny gold medallions. This years Winter Olympics will kick off on Feb. 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang, South Korea.By Julian Finney/Getty Images.
Black Klansman
If the title alone doesnt catch your eye, the artists behind it surely will. Spike Lee is directing this thriller, produced by nascent horror maestro Jordan Peele, about a black detective who infiltrates the KKK in the 1970s. John David Washington (son of Denzel) plays the lead, while the rest of the cast includes Adam Driver and rising star Laura Harrier.Black Klansman does not yet have a release date.Left, by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic; Right, by Kevin Mazur/WireImage.
The Incredibles 2
This superhero movie, which hits theaters on June 15, 2018, gets its own slide—because fans have been waiting for this sequel for 13 years. At long last, the Parr family is back fighting crime, with a little help from close friend Frozone (voiced by Samuel L. Jackson). Its time to find your supersuit—and remember, no capes!Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.
The Happytime Murders
Brian Hensons (son of Jim) dark detective twist on the pleasant world of puppetry promises to be a baffling pop-cultural delight in the vein of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Humans and puppets coexist in this dark tale about a serial killer whos out to murder the stars of hit 80s series The Happytime Gang. The cast is stacked with comedy stars, led by Melissa McCarthy,Maya Rudolph, and Elizabeth Banks. The film will hit theaters on Aug. 17, 2018.Left, by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images; Right, by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images.
Jessica Jones (Season 2)
Everyones favorite grouchy, hard-drinking superhero is finally back for a second season on March 8, with Krysten Ritter slipping on the familiar leather jacket for Joness latest adventures. Though the plot is still fairly under wraps, a teaser trailer promises that shes still a sardonic and deliciously violent destroyer of men.By Myles Aronowitz/Netflix.
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again
My, my, how can you resist this? The sequel to the 2008 blockbuster musical is finally on its way, and its already guaranteed to be your favorite guilty pleasure of 2018. The story is a prequel to the original, revolving around Meryl Streeps character when she was a young woman (perhaps even . . . a young dancing queen). Not only is its core cast back in action, but the truly iconic Cher has decided to bless the sequel with her presence. Catch it in theaters on July 20, 2018.From ©Universal/Everett Collection.
Roseanne
Break out your flannel and sarcasm, because Roseanne is back. The classic 90s sitcom is getting the nostalgia reboot treatment on March 27, more than 20 years after it first ended.
Oceans 8
The all-female Oceans 11 reboot is easily one of the most anticipated films of the year, not least because of its excellent cast (Rihanna!Sandra Bullock!Cate Blanchett!). The glitzy heist movie revolves around the Met Gala, promising a coterie of celeb cameos, and is slated to hit theaters on June 8, 2018. Satiate yourself until then by re-watching the perfect trailer.By Barry Wetcher/Warner Bros.
The Assassination of Gianni Versace
We may be in the midst of a true-crime revival, but few productions promise to be as opulent as this Ryan Murphy mini-series. The horrifying true story about the murder of fashion icon Gianni Versace will be retold with a stellar cast that includes Édgar Ramírez as Versace himself, Penélope Cruz as his sister Donatella, and Ricky Martin as Versaces partner, Antonio DAmico.By Jeff Daly/FX.
The Chi
After breaking out on Master of None and winning a historic Emmy for one of this years best TV episodes, Lena Waithe is ready to claim her spot in the prestige-TV realm. Enter The Chi, her Showtime series about young people coming of age in Chicago, set to premiere on Jan. 7.By Matt Dinerstein/SHOWTIME.
A Wrinkle in Time
The classic Madeleine LEngle tale is finally coming to the big screen on March 9, 2018, thanks to Disney and director Ava DuVernay. The sci-fi story about a girl tesseracting her way through time to find her missing father will star newcomer Storm Reid alongside stars like Oprah Winfrey,Mindy Kaling,Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Pine.By Atsushi Nishijima/Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios.
Solo: A Star Wars Story
After some catastrophic ups and downs, Han Solos origin story will finally be revealed to us on May 25, 2018. The Star Wars spin-off stars Alden Ehrenreich as the galactic smuggler and also features Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian and Emilia Clarke playing a mysterious character named Kira.From Lucasfilm Ltd./Everett Collection.
Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com.
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