It feels like ages ago that the public learned, via consummate storytellerTiffany Haddish, that someone fixed their mouth to bite Beyoncé. Yes, the flesh-and-blood Beyoncé—as though she were a delicious candy house summoning the Hansels and Gretels of the world to try a taste.
The Beyhive instantly assembled to crack the case, whittling down alleged potential biters using Haddishs limited details (it was . . . an actress! At a party!). A few viable options eventually rose to the surface—but not before Frances McDormand,Lena Dunham,Shirley MacLaine (yes, really), and more issued denials. Soon, there was only one potential biter left: Sanaa Lathan, who also denied taking her teeth to Beyoncé, though her statement also had a curious caveat. “If I did it wouldve been a love bite,” Lathan tweeted.
All week, Bitegate has torn the nation asunder—and now, the late-night world has finally waded in, with James Corden and Stephen Colbert (must have been a CBS-wide mandate, huh?) both dedicating segments to diving into the case.
In a CBS Evening News parody that aired Thursday, Corden assembled a crack team of investigators, including Helen Hunt,Ben Schwartz, and Chris ODowd, ready and eager to make ample Lemonade and “Single Ladies” puns.
Hunt and Corden began by noting the details of the case, pointing out that the alleged culprit was indeed an actress. “That makes sense; actresses are crazy. Am I right, or am I right?” Corden smirked, while Hunt gave him a perfectly dead glare. Schwartz then weighed in, reading a few names on the laundry list of actresses who have denied biting Beyoncé.
“Helen Hunt has also denied biting Beyoncé,” Hunt tossed in.
Colbert took a more classic monologue approach on Wednesday, telling the story chronologically according to Haddishs GQ interview—though he paused when he read the part where Haddish said the alleged biter was “doing the mostest.”
“I had to look up doing the mostest, because Im the whitesest. Legally, Im the whitesest,” he joked.
Colbert admired the moment when Beyoncé apparently told Haddish not to freak out about the bite, noting that the alleged biter was on drugs that night. “On a certain level, thats admirable. Beyoncé got bit on the face and turned the other cheek,” Colbert noted. “But dont turn the other cheek, shell bite that too! That bitch is on drugs!”
And ultimately, Colbert concluded, he knows why the nation is so invested in this mystery: “America needs to know—what does Beyoncé taste like?”
Get Vanity Fairs HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Full ScreenPhotos:Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Is Having a Very Fashionable WeekYohana DestaYohana Desta is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com.
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